Sarsaparilla's precious blog

This autumn-almost-winter season is killing me!
The cold makes me hungry all the time..
I feel like want to eat every 2 hours.. Can't resist it at all..
I don't know why i have such a big appetite..
Gosh!
Maybe it's because I'm depressed because of the breakup and the exam next whole week..
or maybe merely just because of the cold that increases my appetite..
Damn..
I need to survive!! Otherwise, I'll be putting lots of weights..

Posted by How precious is... at 2:47 PM | 1 comments  

I'm sorry.. I didn't really2 mean to hurt you..
But I just want you to face reality..
I didn't want to see you keep living in your imagination of our pasts..
Tell me what am I suppose to do to make you feel better..

Posted by How precious is... at 8:46 PM | 8 comments  

The past decision Ive made that I thought I would have to go to Singapore to further my study, now it's been canceled.. I changed my mind.
Despite of being transfered, I'll continue my life here, in Melbourne, and I'll move to city, leaving a quite and peaceful life in Glen Waverley, getting out of my comfort zone to live with someone else and would have to cook for myself and start to worry about the bills and stuffs..

'When you get something, you would'nt get it for free.. It always has consequences. You will get some and you will lose some as well'

Because I'm not moving to Singapore, my relationship with L ended.. Ive once thought that maybe God arranged me to move to Singapore in order to get close to L and I thought that God was helping me.. But it's not. God gave me chance to really see what's my priority, love or a future.. I'm now really enjoying my life in Melb.. And I'm thinking that I shouldn't really move to Singapore because of L. Moreover, it's not like if I move then I can see him everyday. We're still having an LD relationship.. And I think I'm sick of this kind of relationship. I want a real boyfriend who can be there with me.. That's why, I was thinking so much bout this problem and I decided to stay here, and we broke up..I think it's been 11 days I'm having my single status..
I know that I'm selfish.. I dont want to break up either.. But I dont see where will this relationship go to.. I dont see any clear outcome at all.. I don't know for how long would I have to wait.. I've been waiting for almost 2 years and it's like sucks! I always feel jealous whenever there's a couple hugging or expressing their feelings to each other and thinking that we can never be like them.. And it's not like as I graduate then I will come back to be with him.. Because I don't want to waste my parents effort wasting so much money for me to continue my university here and just graduate then go back to them with nothing on my hand to give to them.. I don't want their effort sending me here to be useless.. I don't want to depend on my parents anymore.. I don't want to give them any headache thinking bout my future anymore.. I just want them to feel safe and have a trust on me.. That's why I think break up is the best for us.. So we can go separate way pursuing our dreams and if we can see each other again, it's good.. But if it's not, I hope I can get over him soon and I hope he would too.. and be happy living his own life without me..

Still, it's not easy.. I have to change the blog templates because there're pictures of us.. I have to get rid of these.. And it broke my heart when I changed my relationship status back to single on FB.. I still can't get rid of the things that can remind me of him.. The picture of us in a frame in my room, a picture of us in my purse, the purse he gave to me, the bottle contained of folded stars, the perfume, and the big mashimaro doll that's sitting on my bed on the moment.. I don't know why can't I get rid of these things.. And I'm still smiling and I still laugh whenever there's funny stuff in front of my friends, trying to hide the sad in me and trying to get rid of the thoughts of him.. They said I'm not really like a girl who's just broken up. But I think they don't really know how ugly would my heart look like.. broke into pieces..

Posted by How precious is... at 5:52 PM | 6 comments