Last night I chatted with my friends.. And one of a friend named Adji told me that he almost dated a girl but he turned away. And I asked him why. He said that was because of too many problems they had. Anyway he did not mention the problem but he said women always think using their heart and feelings while men always think logically. That's a difference that he and his ex-almost-girlfriend could not overcome. That sentence of him startled me. And I realized that I did use feeling when I met this guy I mentioned on the last post. So I gave myself time to think clearly.. If I think logically, I'm not crushing on anybody yet. It must be because I haven't made any physical contact for so long.. (because last time I was having LDR with my ex) that trapped me into an unclear-confusing-thought of a man. LOL.. When I think of me from yesterday that was confused about those unclear feelings and decided to wrote it on the blog. I felt so stupid. It's just nonsense.
I've met someone..someone that I know for just a couple months.. I don't know how my heart feels for him. he has a really warm smile that could make me feel comfortable by looking at him.. he treat me nicely every time I go clubbing with him like I was the only girl..
later, found out he's a player.. sure that type of man is a big no-no for me! told myself that I must not think too much about him.. Ahh!! this ain't supposed to happen to me... Everytime I meet him I feel so damn good. must be having too much experience bout girls that could make him easily to make some girls fall for him.. NO! I'm not falling for him.. I just broke up with my ex.. Maybe not yet.. I don't know.. I hope never.. I have to prevent it.. Have to find something that could make me feel sick of him.. He is Roy
udah deh mulai sekarang postingan yang agak personal2 gwa post pake indo ajahh.. malu gue posting2an nya dibaca sama temen2 international smua >,< gw ga tau gmna cara setting blog nya biar cuman temen2 deket aja deh yang baca.. ahahaha.. soalnya kan kalo gwa posting2 yg kayak lagi ngomongin orang gitu bisa kebaca dong sama orangnya.. aduh bukan karna sikap gwa suka ngomongin orang cuman kadang kan ada yang di dalem pikiran mau dibilangin tapi takut ada yang kesinggung..
gw kesel banget deh.. hari ini gw suruh temen gw yg namanya Roy, buat bantuin pasang meja belajar.. nah rupanya bahan2 nya itu ga lengkap.. waktu gwa bli meja ini di office work cuman 1 kotak doang.. kirain dalem nya uda lengkap.. eh rupanya sampe ada 10 item yang missing.. sepertinya si 1 set itu ada 2 kotak.. tapi gw keselnya masak pegawainya ga bilang apa2 waktu gwa bawa sekotak doang.. mana receiptnya gwa ilangin lagi.. kesel gw! jadi harus beli ulang lagi kalau mau dipasang mejanya! T.T
bulan ini bner2 kayak nya kesialan finansial lagi ada di pihak gwa..
minggu lalu gwa baru kena tangkap tram officer.. shit banget! baru naek 1stop doang eh officer nya naek.. gwa mau validate ticket, officer nya udah ngehalangin gwa n nanyain ticket gwa mana.. buset dah! gw jadi kena fine.. ga tau deh kena brapa yang pasti 100an.. stress deh gwa.. =(
I used to think that dating a caucasian guy is not my thing! I just felt like they're too different from us asian... The skin colour.. the eyes.. their perception.. everything.. Yet when I started to live in a city where the caucasians are belong, I started to change my way of thinking.. I started to admire how they look like.. Their perception.. Even their lifestyle.. which I found out lately that the locals will move out from their parents' home when they started uni-life.. I like that kind of lifestyle.. I find it so independent.. =) and yes, I started to watch all american tv series like gossip girls, lipstick jungle, grey's anatomy and how I met your mother. From all these I realized that my point of view has changed.. My perception has more likely to change and become like them..
I saw a hottie today.. He's a caucasian (bule). Actually, I bought a financial accounting book from him via internet.. He said his name was Anton Petrov.. And I sms him and asked whether he would bring the book today.. Then he replied me and said he's outside the library and was carrying the book..
I went there and find a 'bule' who's carrying a financial accounting book, he looked cute and smart.. But he's talking to other ppl.. So I doubted that it was him.. But then the ppl who's talking to him left.. And I approached him and I asked whether he was Anton Petrov. And he smiled to me and he said yes.. And I feel like melting because of the smile.. >,<
I paid him and I got the book.. Then we're cool.. But I still hope that I can meet him again someday.. =D
I'm currently obsessed with the song of Jason Mraz called Make It Mine.. The song is just relaxing and its catchy and the lyric is as well inspirationing.. This song just makes me happy everytime I listen to it. =D I'm like so in love with this song by the first time i heard it sang by Vidi Aldiano, a new star who has just made his first debut currently. U can hear it sang by Vidi here, and by Jason Mraz himself below.
So you see I'm right here.. with my new apartment and my university life. It seems I can't get away from Monash Clayton since I've been trying to move to Monash Caulfield by trying to change my major into Bachelor of Business (Accounting) from Bachelor of Commerce (Accounting and Finance) but I can't bcause the international student service staff said that it's already too late to change it since the enrolment day is the day after.
I would have changed it if i had chance because I actually thought I can't survive living in city but still have to travel to Clayton everyday which is approximately 1hour away from city, and it's too hard to take Accounting and Finance at the same time. But I realised I can't just complain about it, I'll try to make sure that I'll be fine with it. Just pray for me and my new life. =D
This autumn-almost-winter season is killing me! The cold makes me hungry all the time.. I feel like want to eat every 2 hours.. Can't resist it at all.. I don't know why i have such a big appetite.. Gosh! Maybe it's because I'm depressed because of the breakup and the exam next whole week.. or maybe merely just because of the cold that increases my appetite.. Damn.. I need to survive!! Otherwise, I'll be putting lots of weights..
I'm sorry.. I didn't really2 mean to hurt you.. But I just want you to face reality.. I didn't want to see you keep living in your imagination of our pasts.. Tell me what am I suppose to do to make you feel better..
The past decision Ive made that I thought I would have to go to Singapore to further my study, now it's been canceled.. I changed my mind. Despite of being transfered, I'll continue my life here, in Melbourne, and I'll move to city, leaving a quite and peaceful life in Glen Waverley, getting out of my comfort zone to live with someone else and would have to cook for myself and start to worry about the bills and stuffs..
'When you get something, you would'nt get it for free.. It always has consequences. You will get some and you will lose some as well'
Because I'm not moving to Singapore, my relationship with L ended.. Ive once thought that maybe God arranged me to move to Singapore in order to get close to L and I thought that God was helping me.. But it's not. God gave me chance to really see what's my priority, love or a future.. I'm now really enjoying my life in Melb.. And I'm thinking that I shouldn't really move to Singapore because of L. Moreover, it's not like if I move then I can see him everyday. We're still having an LD relationship.. And I think I'm sick of this kind of relationship. I want a real boyfriend who can be there with me.. That's why, I was thinking so much bout this problem and I decided to stay here, and we broke up..I think it's been 11 days I'm having my single status.. I know that I'm selfish.. I dont want to break up either.. But I dont see where will this relationship go to.. I dont see any clear outcome at all.. I don't know for how long would I have to wait.. I've been waiting for almost 2 years and it's like sucks! I always feel jealous whenever there's a couple hugging or expressing their feelings to each other and thinking that we can never be like them.. And it's not like as I graduate then I will come back to be with him.. Because I don't want to waste my parents effort wasting so much money for me to continue my university here and just graduate then go back to them with nothing on my hand to give to them.. I don't want their effort sending me here to be useless.. I don't want to depend on my parents anymore.. I don't want to give them any headache thinking bout my future anymore.. I just want them to feel safe and have a trust on me.. That's why I think break up is the best for us.. So we can go separate way pursuing our dreams and if we can see each other again, it's good.. But if it's not, I hope I can get over him soon and I hope he would too.. and be happy living his own life without me..
Still, it's not easy.. I have to change the blog templates because there're pictures of us.. I have to get rid of these.. And it broke my heart when I changed my relationship status back to single on FB.. I still can't get rid of the things that can remind me of him.. The picture of us in a frame in my room, a picture of us in my purse, the purse he gave to me, the bottle contained of folded stars, the perfume, and the big mashimaro doll that's sitting on my bed on the moment.. I don't know why can't I get rid of these things.. And I'm still smiling and I still laugh whenever there's funny stuff in front of my friends, trying to hide the sad in me and trying to get rid of the thoughts of him.. They said I'm not really like a girl who's just broken up. But I think they don't really know how ugly would my heart look like.. broke into pieces..
